Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Goodbye Jonghyun

at 11:42 AM 0 comments
I wrote this post with a heavy heart because I've felt such overwhelming feelings since seeing the news of Jonghyun passing.


Personally, SHINee was my ultimate favorite boyband with Taemin and Jonghyun as my favorite members. SHINee played such a large part of my high school life, when I was obsessing over their Hello Baby Show or learning how to dance their Lucifer. As I gradually transitioned to college, I also gradually drifted away from Kpop and hence stopped following Shinee. I still see their news and comeback, but never as fully devoted as I was originally.

I woke up that 6AM morning 12/18/ 2017, with a text from both my boyfriend and high school friend, asking if I've seen the news yet. I immediately scrolled through facebook. I saw a post stating "Jonghyun Passed Away." I stared at the screen blankly without any feelings, from shock and disbelief. It still feel so surreal to think that he's no longer there.

As a fan, I obviously don't know Jonghyun personally, and some might think that I'm exaggerating, but I've had waves of sadness thinking about him. My heart is so heavy.

I've heard so many news about celebrities passing away, but nothing hit me as hard as news of Jonghyun passing. I can still hear his voice in my head when he hits the high notes in Breath when he sang long with Taeyeon. Reading about fans comment and more news of twitter just reminds me that he is really gone. I was trying to study for an exam, but my mind couldn't focus on the materials, but rather on how much pain it must have been for him. It took me another day to get over this and write a post, because I felt like I would've break down writing my personal message to Jonghyun. I've regret not following Shinee anymore, because maybe If i've written a letter to Jonghyun, letting him know that he's amazing, then maybe he won't feel as sad anymore. I know I'm being very silly, but I can't imagine how the other people around him and knows him personally, how much pain they are going through right now and how much they're blaming themselves and how much regrets they must have right now.

Dear Angel Jonghyun,

I hope you're resting well in heaven.
I'm sorry that you have to keep those negative feelings to yourself. and I hope you're no longer in pain.
How much pain must be be going through, while hiding that pain behind those smiles. The pain must have been unbearable for you to believe that dying was better than living.
I'm never going to forget the talented Kim Jonghyun that makes my heart fluttered as a high school girl. 
Please rest in peace and you have done more than enough to contribute to the music community. 

-Your Shawol 
 

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